As I sit here typing these words I feel conflicted. Not because of what I'm going to write (because I'm not really sure what that is anyway) but because the act of doing this is one of total and blatant delayed obedience on my end. You see, I know that God gave me a command to write months ago. I heard it, I felt it, I knew this. Ideas would pop into my head, ideas and thoughts that I know were not my own. Ideas and thoughts with a message, a purpose, and an audience (sometimes this audience I know was an audience of one, that being myself). But then things would creep in, doubt, fear, disinterest, laziness, distraction, and above all business, They say that if the devil can't make you sin, he'll make you busy. This is so true. The saddest thing about these months of avoiding a clear mandate from my Heavenly Father is that at the beginning of the year I chose a word to focus on and guide me throughout the year. The word I chose...you guessed it, OBEDIENCE! Now I can sit here and rationalize and explain away the reasons I didn't sit my but down and write so many times, but I won't. The cold and hard truth is that I was disobedient. I own it and I know am making the choice to move forward from this point on. The beautiful and amazing thing about Our God, the thing the I so often forget, is that He is a God of second chances. He takes every moment of our messy lives and can turn it around for good if we make that choice to submit to Him, His will, His way. That's what I'm choosing to do now. Better late than never, eh? So I am ignoring the voices in my head saying this is a stupid idea, what will people think, that it's pointless, and no one gives a rat's behind about what I have to say and I'm going to write. Write what He leads me to. It will be real, it will be covered in prayer, it may be messy and raw sometimes but it's me. An honest and transparent me, a me without the masks that I used to love to live behind. And as I wrap this up (weeks after I first started) I pray that that God uses this space for His purposes, because it's not about me...It's all about Him.
Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and obey it. ~ Luke 11:28
Be blessed.
Cristina
